The Tooth Fairy Is Only The Beginning

It was nearly out. Edward’s first wobbly tooth had been hanging by a thread for over a fortnight. He had really enjoyed prodding it with his tongue, wiggling it, relishing the slight pain as the sharp edge pressed into his gum… and yet the tooth held firm. It would almost be a shame when it actually did break loose. This was a once in a lifetime experience: never again would Edward lose his first tooth.

And then it happened, one evening as Edward was getting ready for bed. He had brushed his teeth without incident and was crawling on the floor looking for a book which had slid too far under his bed. The tooth fell out. Neither in a cascade of blood as he had expected, nor in an explosion of pain, but in a simple snap as the tooth broke free of the gum and plopped unceremoniously onto the carpet. Edward picked the tooth up and placed it under his pillow. When his mother came to kiss him goodnight he said nothing, preferring to announce his tooth’s loss in the morning when he would have a shiny golden one pound coin to show from the Tooth Fairy. Edward went to sleep.

***

Morning. Edward awoke and slid his hand under the pillow. Where his tooth had been, he felt something cold and hard. He brought it out and saw that it was indeed a one pound coin. He announced his news over the breakfast table and was very happy when he saw his mother and father’s surprise as they saw the gap in his teeth and his shiny one pound coin. Edward went around with a gappy smile all day.

A few days went by and Edward found himself one afternoon sitting in the garden in between things to do. His thoughts turned to the Tooth Fairy. How exactly did this system work? It can’t be anything to do with my parents, he reasoned, since they hadn’t even known about the missing tooth. So who tells the Tooth Fairy? Let’s think this through… what can the signal be? Edward thought, and thought… and reasoned, and reasoned…. then realised.

That night, Edward decided to put his theory to the test. He had reasoned that the important thing must be the pillow. Putting the tooth under your pillow must be the thing which summons the Tooth Fairy. So Edward had decided to conduct an experiment. After his mother had kissed him goodnight, he slipped his big toe under his pillow before he fell asleep.

***

Morning. Edward awoke and slid his hand under the pillow. Where his big toe had been, he felt something cold and hard. He brought it out and saw that it was a two pound coin. So the pillow was how it worked! It had worked with the Tooth Fairy, and now it had worked with the Big Toe Fairy. Edward practiced walking around with his newly reduced set of toes and found that with a bit of practice it was easy to do without one big toe, so long as you didn’t go too fast round corners. Anyway, there was obviously money to be made in this way, thought Edward, so what next?

That night, Edward slept with his elbow under the pillow.

***

Morning. Edward awoke and slid his hand under the pillow. Where his elbow had been, he felt something crinkly. He brought it out and saw that it was a twenty pound note. Edward gave a little whoop – at this rate he would be rich! Ah, but what about his elbow? Edward looked at his left arm and tried to bend it. It wouldn’t bend. He pulled up his pyjama sleeve and looked… there was no elbow in his arm! So the Elbow Fairy really had taken his elbow in exchange for the two pound coin. So, how to keep his mother and father from finding out… Well, Edward would still be able to write, and if was careful, it would be ages before anyone noticed his missing elbow. No, nobody would notice, thought Edward. Now, what else can I do without? Hmmm…

That night Edward slept with his bottom under the pillow.

***

Morning. Edward awoke and slid his hand under the pillow. Where his bottom had been, he felt something crinkly. He brought it out and saw that it was a fifty pound note! Edward laughed. This really was an easy way to make money. The Bottom Fairy was evidently even more generous than the Tooth Fairy, the Big Toe Fairy and Elbow Fairy.

Edward started thinking… so as the parts of the body got more significant, so did the money. Edward went over to the mirror and took a look at himself. He no longer had a bottom but he would be able to roll up a jumper and put it in his trousers to hide that. So what next? Edward took a look at what was left. He was slim and had long arms and legs… but a whole arm or leg was bound to be spotted by his parents very quickly. Selling off his fingers and toes one by one would probably only get him a few pounds before his secret was discovered. Hmmmm…. how could he make a lot of money… which part of the body would be most valuable?

That night Edward slept with his head under his pillow.

***

The following morning, Edward’s body lay in his bed. It did not move as it had no head to tell it to.

***

Edward awoke. He looked around. He was in a very strange place. There were lots of plants around, a sea of green illuminated by a riot of colourful blossoms. He yawned… then stretched his arms – but no! He could not feel his arms. He looked down at his body. It was not there. Edward looked around himself. Where was he? A very small, winged person flew up to Edward’s eye level.

“Hello,” said the very small, winged person, “I’m the Head Fairy.”
“Where am I?” asked Edward.
“In my dingly dell,” explained the Head Fairy, “which is where you will live too from now on. You are part of my collection.”
“But where’s the rest of me?” asked Edward.
“Well, did you put the rest of you under the pillow too?” asked the Fairy.
“No,” said Edward, sadly.
“Well, then.” said the Head Fairy, and flew off to check on the other heads in his collection.

***

And back in Edward’s bedroom, his mother found the rest of him, with no big toe, no left elbow, no bottom… and no head.

On the plus side, the Head Fairy had left seventeen bars of gold under Edward’s pillow, so she and Edward’s father were suddenly exceedingly rich, though sad of course to have a son with so many bits missing.

THE END